[.45] interesting

so, it’s the end of the semester. i had my last day of classes. my finals start on tuesday. j202 will be almost officially done tomorrow at 4 p.m. the Web site will be turned in and done. thank goodness. i’ll have my life back. but i feel like i’ve accomplished so much with this project. it’s been worth it, definitely worth it.

talking to b. guy from last summer. nice guy. circumstances are a bit odd, for sure. but it’s okay. he likes sports. we get along great. i got drunk last week and invited him to madison for a weekend this summer. should be interesting if he actually comes down.

in a week and 1 day i’ll be done with the semester, officially. it’s going to be fantastic.  staying in madison for the summer. excellent. oh boy. can’t wait.

[.forty-four] may flowers

my mood drastically improves with the weather.
i was able to be outside for a good part of the day. had a group meeting this morning, but then went to the zoo. it was a gorgeous day. i walked around for a few hours, got a bit sunburnt, but it was well worth it.
oh and i went to mifflin yesterday. ugh. the first half was good. i had a lot of fun. then i went home to eat supper and do some homework. then r texted and asked me over. i went. his friend was also there, someone i’d only met on two previous occassions, one for 5 minutes, and the other for an hour. k would not let me be, no matter how firm i was. i finally got fed up and snapped at him. this was while we were still at r’s place. then we finally got all prepped to go to mifflin cus r knew someone who was still having a party supposedly. k wouldn’t go. the entire night he kept on making little hints about me and r having alone time, and not wanting to ruin the romantic mood, and there were even several occassions where he called r my boyfriend. all of which were false. i mean, i wanted them to be true, but they were so obviously false. k refused to go to mifflin. r and i left. the party had already disbanded by the time we got there. we came back to my place. talked for a bit. watched some tv. then he left. i got a text about an hour later from r: “k wants to see you.” my response: “no.” r: “okay. goodnight.” then today i got this series of texts: “this is k. do you want to go grab coffee?” me: “no.” k using r’s phone: “is there any alternative?” me: “no.”  this guy was just being so pushy the entire night. would not leave me alone. i do not like being pushed around. absolutely hate it, and i will not take it from anyone. he ruined my night, and now i’m pissed just thinking about it.
but i really did enjoy the weather today. it was gorgeous. i’m so ready for summer. also went to a badn concert. eric whitacre, ‘october.’ it was beautiful. i almost cried.

finals in 2 weeks. then nathan’s wedding. then back to madison for the summer–work, afternoons on the terrace, farmer’s market. it’s going to be a great 3 months.

[.forty-three] give me a better reason

broke down. this semester has killed me. i don’t know how much i have left.

but there is someone who might be rye bread, so that’s good. 

[.fourty-two] sad

i miss him

[.fourty-one] talent

so i’ve been spending a lot of time with him since i’ve been home. and he’s basically the only reason that i keep coming back. because i want to be with him. our relationship is so effortless. i never feel like any part of it is forced. we just ‘are.’ and i don’t want to leave him when i have to go back to school. but i have to. and i hate that.

[.fourty] disappointed

i don’t know why i expected things to be different.

every time i go back to my hometown i start getting angry. and hurt.

this town is like a disease.

[.thirty-nine] sooner or later

spring break is almost here. i’m going back to my hometown on friday. which will be good and bad. good to get away from all of this craziness for a while, because honestly, i don’t know how much longer i’ll be able to make it through this semester without sometime off. but the bad thing is, i have to go back to my tiny little hometown.

i have to work 46 hours the week i’m home. yeah, that’s not a typo. that’s a fact. ugh. i guess it’s alright. i need the money.

i also have to write a research paper for history. and study for an exam. so spring break is going to be tons of fun. i can’t wait.

i have to turn in 2 papers today for journalism. i was up til 3:30 working on them last night. i’m just really sick of all this shit. i work and work on stuff and it never shows in my grades. i’m starting to feel really worthless. it’s so frustrating.

i have to go and interview an environmental studies professor for my j202 project. i have to run across campus because he set up the appt for 15 minutes after my lab gets done. so it’s going to be me sprinting (well sort of) up bascome from vilas, down the stairs (hopefully i won’t fall, cus that would hurt, and it would be embarrassing), and over to ag hall and up to the 4th floor, plus i have to try to find his office. ugh. it’s my fault though, for telling him i was available at that time. i just assumed his office was closer than that. fail.

2 of my roommates turned 21 today. we’re going out to dinner. and then they’re going out to the bars. and i’m going home to do homework because i’m only 20. fml. it sucks. i want to have some fun, go out with them to celebrate. whatever. i don’t care. well i do, obviously, there’s just nothing i can do about it. i have a shit ton to do before i leave for break. so i can’t afford to get drunk and be hungover tomorrow–class and work and research, it just wouldn’t work. it would especially be bad because i fell asleep at work yesterday.

i joined another committee for my leadership group. i’m helping plan an awards ceremony for student orgs and student leaders on campus. i’m really excited to help with it, it’s just unfortunate that i have next to no time. and i’m applying to be a committee chair for next year. and i’m applying for a director position for the union. so we’ll have to see what pans out. and i’m still looking for an internship. so it’s going to be a very stressful next couple of weeks while i’m dealing with all of this.

oh, and there’s a scholarship that i’m applying for that would cover and entire year’s worth of costs–tuition, books, room and board. that would be amazing. so for that i have to fill out my fafsa, which means i need to file my taxes over spring break. haha, i have a lot to do over spring break, i just realized now. this is going to be fun.

okay, i should have worked on something for SLP or j202 during this break. i met mel for lunch and then went here to vilas to do some stuff before lab. this was an utter failure. i started drafting a letter that needs to get sent out to advisors and heads of departments that we want to sit on the decision panel for the Bucky’s. but then i started this blog, and went on facebook and gmail, and then stopped doing it. and now it’s 12:40 and my lab is at 1, so nothing else will get done. also listening to bo burnham on youtube. hurray for bo burnham.